Mike's Reaction to the Champions League Draw

Manchester United (England #2) and Celtic’s (Scotland #1) stadiums are only a three-hour drive away from each other, both have an illustrious history in their domestic leagues and both have won the European Cup, but have never faced each other in a competitive fixture until now.
This is easily the most interesting match-up of what is, in my mind, the most interesting group. The Red Devils and the Hoops have also been paired with Lisbon's Benfica (Portugal 3rd place) and Champions League newcomer FC Copenhagen (Denmark #1) in Group F. Copenhagen has the poor run of luck to be drawn against three teams that have already won the European Cup. I see Celtic and Man United moving on, unless there’s another meltdown at Old Trafford or Celtic Park (both of which have happened in the last year) before Christmas, which will clear the way for Benfica to advance, much as they did last season.

2005 Champions Liverpool will face off against USA international DaMarcus Beasley’s Dutch outfit PSV Eindhoven. ‘Pool finished third in the English Premier League and PSV were Dutch Champions last year. Their experience in European competition should put them head and shoulders above the rest of Group C, which includes Turkish champions Galatasray and French runners-up Bordeaux.

For me, the weakest and possibly least interesting group is group D. It includes Valencia CF (Spain 3rd place), Shakthar Donetsk (Ukraine #1) Olimpiacos (Greece 1st place), and AS Roma (Italy 5th place), who are in the competition only because of their lack of involvement in the Italian match-fixing scandal. This group is the equivalent of the champion of the CAA playing the 5th place team in the Big 10 in the NCAA tournament. Despite the lack of starpower and big-name clubs, I like Olimpiacos and Roma to move on and be the proverbial bug on the windshield in the Round of 16.

AC Milan was able to sneak into the tournament having been previously banned due to their role in the match-fixing scandal. They were rewarded with a relatively easy draw in group H against Lille (France 3rd place), AEK Athens (Greece 2nd Place), and Anderlecht (Belgium 1st place). Milan has lost their offensive centerpiece in Andriy Shevchenko, but are still a formidable foe and should progress to the knockout stages. The second spot is up for grabs, but I’m going to go with AEK Athens, who looked like a team on the rise in dispatching Scottish runners-up Hearts in the Third Qualifying round.

Chelsea Manager Jose Mourinho complained about Chelsea’s seeding as a #2 seed before the draw, claiming that even though they were English champions the past two seasons, that there was a 1-in-5 chance they could end up meeting European Cup holders FC Barcelona in the group stages. In a cruel twist for the man who calls himself “The Special One,” the Blues were the first team drawn from Pot 2 and will face Barcelona twice in the month of October in a rematch of last year’s Round of 16 tie. Group A also holds German runners-up Werder Bremen and Bulgarian champions and European newcomers Levski Sofia in one of the more interesting groups in the competition. I expect Chelsea and Barca to go through to the knockout stages, but don’t discount Werder Bremen from picking Chelsea off.

If there was one winner of the Italian match-fixing scandal it was Internazionale Milano. Inter Milan was awarded the 2005-2006 Italian championship, despite finishing in third place, and reaped most of the rewards of the summer slaughter of disgraced Italian champions Juventus on the summer transfer market, picking up several high-profile stars including French international Patrick Viera and Swedish international Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Inter is also stocked with World Cup head-butt recipient Marco Materazzi, Brazil’s Adriano, Portugal’s Luis Figo, and Hernan Crespo on loan from Chelsea. Inter should easily roll through Group B to the knockout stages, and at this point, I’d feel comfortable picking them to go to at least the semifinals. They will advance out of group along with weakened German champs Bayern Munich. Look for Sporting Club of Lisbon (Portugal #2) to make some waves, possibly claiming an upset scalp, but not a knockout stage berth. Russian runners-up Spartak Moscow should cancel their travel plans and hang the mistletoe. They will be home by Christmas.

Looking at Group E, it SCREAMS potential upsets. Real Madrid should make it to the Round of 16, but they are a team in flux. Dutch international Ruud van Nistelrooy rejoins former teammate David Beckham after a summer transfer from Manchester United. AC Milan is making a bid for Madrid's World Cup star Ronaldo, and the all-whites could find themselves without his services. Lyon reached the quarterfinals of the competition last year and were minutes away from advancing to the semifinals before AC Milan snatched it from them late. Romanian Champions Steaua Bucharest have won the competition before, and Ukranian runners-up Dynamo Kiev should be knocked out this round, but should not be taken lightly.

2006 Runners-up Arsenal round out the group stages, being paired with 2004 Champion FC Porto of Portugal. Russian champs CSKA Moscow should provide a stern test in the Russian winter, and Hamburg SV is making their first appearance in the Champions League in several years, but nearly finished second in the German top-flight last season, making a trip to AOL Arena a dangerous one for any club to take them lightly. I like Arsenal and Hamburg.

The Round of 16 Draw will be held after all group stages are completed, and the teams awaiting their fates then should be Barcelona, Chelsea, Manchester United, Celtic, Liverpool, PSV, Olimpiacos, Roma, AC Milan, AEK Athens, Inter Milan, Bayern Munich, Lyon, Arsenal, and Hamburg.

YCS Greatest Bracket Ever (Wil Cordero Bracket)

FIRST ROUND
#1 Miracle on Ice vs. #16 Yellow Chair Sports
#8 Bob Uecker vs. #9 Larry Bird (or any white NBA player for that matter)
#4 Joe Montana vs. #13 Leather Pants
#5 Mozart vs. #12 Lee Corso's baseless predictions
#3 Brett Favre vs. #14 Bryce Drew's shot in 1998 NCAA Tournament
#6 1996 Chicago Bulls vs. #11 The Magna Carta
#7 Payne Stewart's Getup vs. #10 Ed Hockulee's Massive Guns
#2 Pele vs. #15 Chief Knock-a-homa

RESULTS
-- Who are we kidding? We suck.
-- Larry Bird played 82 games a season. Uecker calls 162 games a season….drunk.
-- Digger Phelps is vindicated, as he argued that Leather Pants should have been left out of the tournament in favor of a 17-11 Notre Dame team. Montana.
-- Lee Corso claims he'll win because he's "tougher than Mozart", and he's right. Mozart was a foppish dandy.
-- Bryce Drew took it on himself to take a mid-major to the Sweet 16 one year. Brett Favre takes mid-major talent and turns them into Pro-Bowlers year after year.
-- The '96 Bulls may have been the best team ever, but the Magna Carta was the foundation of hundreds of modern governments.
-- Ed Hockulee's guns could be seen from the other side of the stadium. Payne Stewart's pants could be seen from space.
-- Pele was named athlete of the century by the IOC. Knock-a-homa was the most racist mascot in the history of sport.

SECOND ROUND
#1 Miracle on Ice vs. #8 Bob Uecker
#4 Joe Montana vs. #12 Lee Corso's baseless predictions
#3 Brett Favre vs. #11 Magna Carta
#2 Pele vs. # 7 Payne Stewart's Getup

RESULTS
-- The Miracle on Ice has only been depicted in one major film in the last 20 years. Bob Uecker was in Major League and Major League II.
-- Lee Corso claims he'll lose because because Kirk Herbstreit said he'd win and Lee wanted to be a contrarian little bastard. He's wrong. Montana in a rout.
-- Favrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre
-- Pele coined the phrase "the beautiful game" and his tenure with the New York Cosmos was the first step for American soccer in the mainstream. Payne Stewart's getup on the other hand was just fugly.

SWEET 16
#8 Bob Uecker vs. #4 Joe Montana
#2 Pele vs. #3 Brett Favre

RESULTS
-- Despite much less athletic talent, Uecker has had much more staying power.
-- A match that should have taken place in the final. Favre has won 1 Super Bowl and appeared in another. Pele has won an NASL Soccer Bowl (1977) with New York Cosmos, three World Cups with Brazil (1958, 1962, 1970), and two Intercontinental Cups with Santos FC. Pele...on penalty kicks.

QUARTERFINALS
#8 Bob Uecker vs. #2 Pele

RESULTS
-- Pele stopped playing competitively in the 1970s. Uecker just keeps on rolling. Uecker to the Final Four!

YCS Greatest Bracket Ever (Maurice Clarett Regional)

FIRST ROUND
#1 John Wooden vs. #16 University of Michigan Football Helmets
#8 Barnum & Bailey Circus vs. #9 The Light Bulb
#4 1999 Manchester United vs. #13 Coach K
#5 Tiger Woods vs. #12 Harlem Globetrotters
#3 Jesus Christ vs. #14 Everything about Anna Kournikova besides her mind
#6 1924 Notre Dame Football vs. #11 Iona
#7 Woodstock vs. #10 The Forward Pass
#2 Discovery of Fire vs. #15 Jimmy Johnson's Hairpiece

RESULTS
-- Wooden could coach circles around the Michigan football helmets, and conversely, could coach a team of football helmets to at least a 4th-place showing in the Pac-10.
-- We couldn't see the circus without the light bulb now could we?
-- Coach K won 3 titles in a quarter-century at Duke. Manchester United won 3 titles in one season in 1999 taking the Premier League, FA Cup, and Champions League titles.
-- Tiger has won 11 major championships. While the 'Trotters rarely lose, they never really WIN anything either.
-- You have to have a pretty sick mind to fantasize about Jesus Christ.
-- It didn't seem like a real bracket without the Iona Gaels, but they go down in the first round as usual.
-- Indeed, the forward pass revolutionized football, but Woodstock was a pivotal moment in history as it arguably represented the highest point of "the 60s."
-- While initally resistant, Jimmy's hairpiece succombs to the inferno in a blaze of glory.

SECOND ROUND
#1 John Wooden vs. #9 The Light Bulb
#4 1999 Manchester United vs. #5 Tiger Woods
#14 Everything about Anna Kournikova except her mind vs. #6 1924 Notre Dame Football
#7 Woodstock vs. #2 Fire

RESULTS
-- Wooden was a master strategist, but you can't win if you can't see in the dark.
-- In 1999, Tiger Woods won 1 out of 4 majors. Man United won 2 of the 7 biggest competitions in world club football. Glory Glory Man United.
-- After seeing nothing more risque than a flapper tipsy on apple juice, and having been raised in good Irish Catholic homes, the Domers are stunned at the mere sight of the Russian vixen.
-- Be honest, if it weren't for fire and its practical uses, would people even be talking about Woodstock?

SWEET 16
#9 The Light Bulb vs. #4 1999 Manchester United
#14 Everything about Anna Kournikova besides her mind vs. #2 Fire

RESULTS
-- 1999 Man U didn't need light bulbs as the celebratory flares went off in the European Cup final victory.
-- Anna may be smokin' hot, but where there's smoke there's…you guessed it.

QUARTERFINALS
#4 1999 Manchester United vs. #2 Fire

RESULTS
-- Fire was discovered by man by simply rubbing two sticks or rocks together. Manchester United had to hold off stiff competition domestically, and had to come from behind and score twice in stoppage time to beat Bayern Munich in the 1999 Champions League Final. (Fast forward to 3:30 unless you like the drama.)

1999 Manchester United moves on to the Final Four. They have reached...the Promised Land!

YCS Greatest Bracket Ever (Fuzzy Zoeller Regional)

FIRST ROUND
#1 Sliced Bread vs. #16 Humphrey Bogart
#8 Notre Dame Victory March vs. #9 "The Giants win the Pennant!" call
#4 Wayne Gretzky vs. #13 Todd Walker
#5 '85 Chicago Bears vs. #12 Elvis Presley
#3 Polio vs. #14 "The Thrilla in Manila"
#6 The Pyramids vs. #11 Dennis Eckersley
#7 Knute Rockne vs. #10 Internet Pornography
#2 The Wheel vs. #15 "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

RESULTS
--Bogart made a couple good movies. Sliced bread made untold scores of sandwiches possible.
--The ND Victory March does get played a lot more often and is much more instantly recognizable than the 1951 radio call.
--You've got to be joking. Gretzky.
--While the Bears did record the Super Bowl Shuffle, Elvis notched hit after hit, starred in movies, and changed rock forever
-- I would say the "Thrilla" was "bigger than Polio" but by 1975, a polio vaccine had already been found, and would make any polio attack on Ali-Frazier III meaningless.
--Eckersley may have been the dominant closer of his time, but the Pyramids have stood the test OF time.
--Wow. This 7-10 matchup is tough. Knute is a hell of a coach, but he only has a finite body of work. Where as internet pornography is constantly changing, and has put countless fine bodies TO work.
--I don't give half a flying fuck if it's one of the most famous lines in movie history, without the wheel, how could Rhett ever get back to Charleston?

SECOND ROUND
#1 Sliced Bread vs #8 Notre Dame Victory March
#4 Wayne Gretzky vs. #12 Elvis Presley
#14 Thrilla in Manila vs. #6 The Pyramids
#10 Internet Porn vs. #2 The Wheel

RESULTS
--Notre Dame fans may think they're the biggest thing since sliced bread, but "Since" is the operative word in that sentence.
-- Rock may very well have gained mainsteam appeal in America without Elvis. Hockey would likely not have without Gretzky.
--The Pyramids just sit there, but Ali and Frazier whaled on each other and many say it was the greatest fight ever.
--In a matchup that happens too early in the tournament, the two greatest inventions of mankind are put to the test. In the end, the wheel rolls away with the victory after porn misses the late money shot. In related news, the pun police arrest Mike.

SWEET 16
#1 Sliced Bread vs. #4 Wayne Gretzky
#14 Thrilla in Manila vs. #2 The Wheel

RESULTS
--Gretzky as known as "The Great One." Not the greatest one since sliced bread, just The Great One.
-- The wheel has proven far more useful over time. The Thrilla's cinderella run comes to an end.

QUARTERFINALS
#4 Wayne Gretzky vs. #2 The Wheel

RESULTS
-- Gretzky has been a winner on the ice (4 Stanley Cups) and off the ice (Directing Team Canada to Olympic gold.) Wheels are effective off the ice, but not so much on the ice. Gretzky moves to the Final Four.

YCS Greatest Bracket Ever (Mark Chmura Regional)

Play-in game: 2010 FIFA World Cup vs. the Luftwaffe

RESULTS
2010 World Cup over Luftwaffe
- The 2010 World Cup may not have happened yet, but there's no way it can have a worse record than the Luftwaffe, the Washington Generals of the History Channel.

FIRST ROUND
#1 '72 Miami Dolphins vs. #16 2010 World Cup
#8 Greg Maddux vs. #9 "The Godfather: Part II"
#4 '27 New York Yankees vs. #13 The Assembly Line
#5 Nolan Ryan vs. #12 The Moon Landing
#3 Michael Jordan vs. #14 Harry Houdini
#6 William Shakespeare vs. #11 "The Hand of God" Goal
#7 "Citizen Kane" vs. #10 That one time Bobby Knight threw that chair
#2 Abraham Lincoln vs. #15 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Creamsicle Jerseys

RESULTS
--'72 Dolphins never lost, so they slaughter an event that hasn't happened yet
--Maddux's entire career has been filled with offers he couldn't refuse, so the Godfather holds sway
--The assembly line produced the Model T, an outdated car. The '27 Yankees had Murderer's Row, which helped them sweep the World Series. Yankees win.
--Tough call. In 1969, the moon landing took place, and Nolan Ryan was on the Met team that won the World Series. Ryan's WHIP in 1969 however was 4.80. Moon Landing scores the upset.
--Harry Houdini performed magic escape acts, but these were all illusions. Jordan performed magic escape acts that were real.
--William Shakespeare wrote plays that were based on histories and events that took place in real life. However, to hit a ball with your hand in front of 100,000 people in the stadium and millions worldwide, then to claim that it was scored by "The Hand of God" tops any fiction Shakespeare could have written. Point. Maradona.
--While Citizen Kane is one of the greatest works of cinema, how many people today have seen it? Or would recognize it? How many have seen Knight throw his chair? Gotta go with Knight.
-- The Bucs orange jerseys combined with their general worthless play defined losing untill they were changed (at which point they promptly won the Super Bowl). Lincoln on the other hand freed the slaves and won the Civil War.

SECOND ROUND
#1 '72 Dolphins vs. #9 "Godfather: Part II"
#4 '27 New York Yankees vs. #12 The Moon Landing
#3 Michael Jordan vs. #11 "Hand of God Goal"
#2 Abraham Lincoln vs. #10 That one time Bobby Knight threw the chair

RESULTS
--Robert DeNiro won an Oscar for "Godfather II." Larry Czonka went on to do play-by--play for American Gladiators. End game: Czonka and Dolphins keep undefeated streak alive.
--Moon Landing. While everyone remembers Neil Armstrong's famous words, no one remembers a thing Babe Ruth said because it was slurred and smelled of cheap scotch and loose women.
--Jordan. The Hand of God was scored in a quarterfinal game, so while Argentina won the 86 World Cup, the goal did not win any championship.
--Bobby Knight has 869 career wins. Abraham Lincoln only has one win, but it kept the country together. Lincoln.

SWEET 16
#1 '72 Dolphins vs. #12 Moon Landing
#2 Abraham Lincoln vs. #3 Michael Jordan

RESULTS
--The Moon landing has been done several times since it was first done. The 1972 Dolphins undefeated run has never been duplicated, and probably never will be. '72 Dolphins.
--Lincoln is Illinois' favorite son. Jordan made Chicago famous for things other than mobsters and hippie-beatings. But Jordan is technically from North Carolina, and Illinois has more electoral votes than North Carolina.

QUARTERFINALS
#1 '72 Dolphins vs. #2 Abraham Lincoln

RESULTS
--Lincoln is on two pieces of Currency. Don Shula is on none. Lincoln advances to the Final Four.

Sample size growing...

MLS still has some catching up to do compared to leagues that have been established for nearly a century, but it's getting harder and harder to make blanket claims.

MLS International Friendly record this summer: 5-2-3
Red Bull New York 4-2 Bayern Munich (Germany)

New England 1-1 Celtic FC (Scotland)

DC United 4-0 Celtic FC

FC Dallas 2-2 UANL Tigres (Mexico), Dallas wins on PKs

Real Madrid (Spain) 1-1 DC United

MLS All-Stars 1-0 Chelsea FC (England)

Columbus Crew 1-1 Everton (England)

Chicago Fire 1-2 Club America (Mexico)

CD Chivas USA 1-1 Club America, Chivas USA wins on PKs

Los Angeles Galaxy 0-1 Necaxa (Mexico), Galaxy start all scrubs. Necaxa starts all starters